


Show Me Love

by ShipVigilante (CaxceberXVI)



Category: Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Canon-Typical Violence, Choking, Dubious Consent, Hand Jobs, M/M, Makeup Sex, Oral Sex, Panic Attacks, Shower Sex, sub nikolai, sub space
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:41:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24721741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaxceberXVI/pseuds/ShipVigilante
Summary: kind of a song fic set to T.a.t.U's Show me love/Ya Tvoya Ne Pervaja . takes place some time in the 80s/90s , pre re1 . nikolai drags himself half way around the globe after a simple phonecall from sergei for apparently no other purpose that to satisfy his friends libido .Inspired by @AnotherAnon0 and their Toxic collectionSergei is a weirdo and Nikolai is a touch starved freak.
Relationships: Nicholai Ginovaef | Nikolai Zinoviev/Carlos Oliveira, Nicholai Ginovaef | Nikolai Zinoviev/Mikhail Victor, Nicholai Ginovaef | Nikolai Zinoviev/Sergei Vladimir
Comments: 14
Kudos: 13





	1. Suddenly we’re crumbling

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AnotherAnon0](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnotherAnon0/gifts).



**покажи мне любовь.**

_ This was an accident _

_ Not the kind where sirens sound _

Wind whistles through the barracks, under doors that rattle in their frames, over broken glass panes. Blank white nothingness rolls out in front of him as far as the eye can see. He knows the crowded metal huts that make up the soldiers quarters are mere meters away but the oppressive glare of artificial light against unending snow makes him feel like the last man on earth. Gusts strike, unsettling him and causing the old metal gantry to howl like the death cries of some great old one. When it stops, Nikolai resumes his position against the papery walls of his bunker, leaning so hard one misstep could see him fall straight through. He glares out unseeing through half lidded jade eyes as the snow continues to mount up around the sills. 

The cold of the ancient, single glazed window burns incessantly against his cheek but it still hurts less than trying to sleep on it . he’d probably lain too long to save it from bruising but perhaps this makeshift cold compress could at least make it less obvious.

It's 3 am and Nikolai is exhausted. although, you’d be forgiven for thinking it was the middle of the day. Sickly yellow light still streams between the cracks in the thin curtains, floodlights reflecting off the hail of white flakes that pour from the sky. His time in the Caucuses seemed to stretch on endlessly. It was some long abandoned research facility or munitions dump Sergei was now in charge of, emphasis on the “dump” . He wasn't sure of the details. When he and Sergei had met earlier the Colonel was...not in a talking mood.

It is bright here, maddeningly so. He needed the distinction between night and day to function ; eternal day in the barracks , staring out at the perpetual night beyond the range of the floodlights. Between the timezone jumps and the lights his body clock didn't know which end of it was up. He remembers some friends from the far north likening this place to their time in the arctic, burning daylight at ungodly hours of the night, then pitch black like the dark side of the moon . he remembers the look on their face as they described how it drove more than one sorry soldier to the brink of madness being stationed there for more than a month. He didn't think it would happen to him, not this far south anyway. It's not like he's a damn houseplant; in need of a stable environment to flourish. He smiles lightly as he remembers someone compared him to “lion's tooth” once. 

It had taken several days , 2 different translations and consulting someone's  _ babushka _ to realise it was a weed. Still, being called a Dandelion , a bright , hardy little thing that was difficult to kill and capable of growing anywhere , was far from the worst thing he'd been called.

Silver wolf springs to mind.

_ Tell me how you've never felt _

_ Delicate or innocent _

Nikolai swallows hard and lights another cigarette. He should probably take it easy, these will have to last him until the next supply drop and god only knows when that will be in this snowy hellscape. He inhales as deep as his lungs will allow and then a little more, cigarette perched cautiously between shaking fingers. He waits until the need for air outweighs the pain he feels in the rest of his body. Something about the way his breath trembles as it leaves his body irritated him to no end. He never felt the cold before, so why should it bother him now? Perhaps he should move, before the russian winter steals the life from his bones and not just the warmth.

The chair creaks as he stands, glaring out at the burning bright night, pain thrumming behind his eyes. Something tickles the back of his bare leg and he prays it's just a loose thread and not what he thinks it is. He can't sleep. Perhaps his time in America has made him soft : the bed is too hard, the room too cold, the patter of snow on the roof and windows just a little too loud.

The sound makes him anxious. Of what, he's not sure. It's not deafening, he can still hear the grind of machinery in the distance, would still be instantly woken by a knock on the door or the squeal of a hinge should someone decide to play him a surprise visit. He mindlessly plays with the oversized ring on his finger as he considers this. It’s Sergei's: A gift from the Union when he reached the rank of polkovnik . 

Or, at least, he thinks that’s it. He has no idea when it became his or if it was even Sergei’s to begin with. Trying to remember is only forcing the memory further into the recesses of his mind, perhaps that’s where it belongs.The ring is gold, tarnished, intricate braiding surrounds a small red jasper polished smooth by repeated worrying. It no longer feels secure in its fastening, one day he’s sure it's going to crack and fall to pieces. Then at least, it will match its owner.

_ Do you still have doubts that _

_ Us having faith makes any sense? _

**_A hand grabs his collar, forcing him back till his legs collide with the metal frame of the cot. That’ll be a bruise in the morning. He tumbles backwards narrowly avoiding cracking his skull on the edge of the nightstand “Kolya…” Nikolai looks anywhere but his face and grimaces. “My precious silver wolf” Sergei slides his hands along Nikolai's forearms, resting at his wrists. he pins him to the wafer thin mattress with ease “_ ** **_why_ ** **_did you not tell me you had arrived_ ** **_safe_ ** **_?” he punctuates his sentence by forcing him further into the bed “ i wished to greet you.” “Polkovnic” he tries “ it was a 12 hour flight from the states a-and 15 on the Rossiya Shhhhhh” Sergei silences him, trailing a calloused thumb over the tiny scar on his lips “what is important is, you are here now. With me.”_ **

**_Nikolai has little time to react. A fistful of his cropped silver hair finds its way between Sergei’s gloved hands “it is good to see you, Kolya.” Nikolai squirms as that hand winds its way around his throat “i call, you come.” he notes with amusement “You said it was important.” Sergei smiles as he watches Nikolai try to rationalise his unwavering loyalty ”oh extremely” he beams “ but that can wait until the morning.you must be tired from your trip.” he licks the shell of Nikolai's ear, eliciting a gasp from the smaller man. Nikolai glowers at the side of Sergei's head, brown hair slicked into place and peppered with grey . He wants to touch it, run his fingers through it. He tries and fails to release one of his arms from Sergei's death grip “ down boy.” he hisses against his neck “perhaps we should change your name to serebryanaya sobaka?” the colonel chuckles , pushing himself up to look at nikolai’s flustered face “fuck you.” His impudence is rewarded with a swift back hand . for a moment Nikolai is stunned; he is well used to the roughness, the biting and verbal digs at everything from his loyalty to the mother land to his taste in aftershave ._ ** **_But it's been a long time since sergei treated him with such outright hostility “Seryozha, what is-” Sergei silences him with a kiss_ **

**_“ i have missed you, Kolya.”_ **

_ Tell me nothing ever counts _

_ Lashing out or breaking down _

Sharp pain in his fingers forces him back to reality “fuck.” his cigarette has burned down past the filter, what a waste. He flicks it away, sucking the fingers to sooth them. he reaches for another, struggling to find his lighter in the many pockets of his coat. Having no success he turns about the floor looking for where it may have dropped. He catches a glimpse of himself in a broken shaving mirror, almost failing to recognise his own reflection . He looks gaunt, faint, wraith-like even. Is he losing weight? Or perhaps it's just a trick of the light? Nikolai shifts uncomfortably on the balls of his bare feet, extremities going numb against the icy cold floor. He _could_ get back into bed, he _could_ be warm and at least somewhat comfortable. 

The decision is made for him when he locates the lighter.

Nikolai settles for shifting further into the minimal shade the curtains provide, the glowing ember of his cigarette the only evidence anyone is alive in here. the nicotine is calming in his veins. Fresh wounds itch under his heavy woolen coat, he had not bothered to bandage them, the bleeding having stopped by the time he had a chance to do so. He wanted so badly to scratch and pick until not a trace was left, but that would only do more harm than good. Sergei made a mess of his shoulder with that god damn haladie knife . how the hell did he even get that thing to the middle of buttfuck nowhere anyway?

_ Still somebody loses 'cause _

_ There's no way to turn around _

**_“sosat'.”Sergei commands. Nikolai hesitates for the briefest of moments, Sergei shoves his gloved digits in before his jaw is all the way open. Nikolai chokes just a little, the taste and smell of leather and rust reaching all the way to the back of his throat. Sergei watches in delight as his comrade struggles to take him. So eager, so willing to please. He wonders if Nikolai was this much of a slut for anyone else while he was in the states, unable to decide if the thought made him jealous or harder than ever. Perhaps he shall ask the man directly when they're done here._ **

**_Nikolai’s eyes begin to water as he runs out of air . he drools excessively, thick trails of saliva dripping from his chin, stitching rough against his tongue “ enough.” Sergei withdraws his fingers with a noisy pop. His head was spinning from the lack of oxygen, he barely noticed the colonel lift his bare legs into the air, shoving his rough fingers inside with no warning._ **

**_Wet and sickening noises filled the room as Sergei fingered him open with all the precision and care of a drunk man fumbling his keys into the door. A tiny whine escapes his lips. This is as close to foreplay as he’ll get but it doesn't make it any more pleasant . it has to be late, 11pm maybe. What could Sergei be in such a hurry for? He allows himself to be manhandled into position, relishing the brief touch of skin on skin. It doesn’t make him any less tense “ Kolya.” Sergei strokes the small of his back, warm breath ghosting across his shoulders. “ do try to relax.” he murmurs into red raw skin, tongue tracing the incision he made not minutes before in an act of penance . Make no mistake: this is not a plea or even a request but a demand. Nikolai does his best to go limp in the arms that hold him in place._ **

**_“ All this stress, it is bad for the heart”_ **

_ Staring at your photograph _

_ Everything now in the past _

  
  


Nikolai runs a hand through his hair; it's surprisingly soft, not frozen like it had been earlier , when he made a mad dash from the showers back to his bunker as the storm began. the grime of traveling for over 24 hours needed to be washed away, regardless of how utterly exhausted he had been. When he made it back to bed the lack of sleep had simply caught up with him. He must have been asleep for longer than he realised, but there’s no clock in the bunker; yet another tiny instance of psychological warfare against the men stationed here. He swears Sergei wants them all as mad as him by the end. He’ll have to wait for the first post at 6am. Why the colonel insists on having military time in what he assumes is a research facility is beyond him. Then again, lately most of Sergei’s thinking is beyond him. The hand in his pocket finds his wallet. He opens it examining the contents: some american money, some russian even a few deutsche marks. A few different id cards are hidden in a side pouch as well as a few spare safsparin. He swallows them dry knowing they’ll do little to help with the pain. But what he wants is the photograph; dog eared and singed on one side, so faded it's hard to make out what exactly it is a photograph  _ of _ . But Nikolai knows. He can see this memory even when his eyes close; the first and only time Sergei smiled.Not a smile of malicious joy or the childish grin of someone holding a magnifying glass to some ants ( or a cigarette to someone’s skin, Nikolai saw little difference ) but a  genuine smile of happiness.

Maybe  that was why it was so faded. Such things seemed against the order of the world Sergei sought to create. Perhaps the universe itself was trying to erase it from existence. 

  
  


_ Never felt so lonely I _

_ Wish that you could show me love _

**He is the sole focus of Sergei’s attention but he feels lonelier than ever. Is it possible to make love to someone without really acknowledging they’re there? Well yes and no. yes because that is exactly what is happening right now and No, because what Sergei does is not “making love”: the man is not capable of making anything but a mess.**

**And as for “love?” Nikolai scoffs at the thought. Sergei is not capable of that, period.**

**Sergei’s cock only just fits inside him, his stomach bulging as he tries to accommodate Sergei's entire length at once. He’d almost forgotten how big the colonel really was. Sweat pricks his skin as every inch of him trembles at the intrusion . He’s bent awkwardly to fit them both on the narrow bed. Sergei's hulking frame engulfs him completely , one hand pressed firmly on his belly feeling himself thrust into nikolai from the outside, the other hand winding around his throat, feeling the smaller man's erratic pulse. He needs a minute to adjust .**

**However,every time he tries to speak, to voice his displeasure, Sergei thrusts again, muddling the words until they are little more than incoherent noises. His stomach gurgles in protest but he wills it silent, wills himself to enjoy this more than he is.” Susssh Kolya...you're doing great.” a flush spreads across nikolai’s pale face, something hot slicks his cold thighs “ Sergei...” he whispers fervently. He feels delirious, lost in the feelings sergei inflicts upon him. It lasts only a split second, Sergei's lips connect with the back of his neck as he buries himself to the hilt. He feels...loved? No...that's not quite it. But at the very least he feels noticed, acknowledged. Like he is more than a cocksleeve or a weapon, even if it's just for a few moments. Why can't it be like this every time?**

**The feeling disappears as quickly as it had arrived. Sergei digs his teeth into the delicate flesh of his neck, tendons contracting in surprise. He lurches forward as Sergei picks up the pace, almost falling off the bed. his breathing becoming erratic and the pleasure gives way to pain . 2 minutes of bone dry finger fucking wasnt enough after months of abstinence . He wiggles against the larger man's lap, trying to find a position that is remotely comfortable “stop squirming” Sergei pants. He couldn't, even if he wanted to, heat building in his belly, it won't be satisfied until he moves. He moans in tandem with sergei’s thrusting , hands that were resting on his hips and taught belly worm their way to his throat. Sergei snakes his arm around his neck and squeezes. “Polkovnik ple-” his voice is cut off by psychotic laughter and a crushing force on his windpipe. The old bed frame threatens to give out under them, his body close to doing the same .**

**His throat contracts under Sergei's touch, he can't breath , eyes roll back in his skull as the room fills with deafening and obscene noises. He needs a break, just to catch his breath “** **_Polkovnik_ ** **please, slow d-ah!” Sergei squeezes again, more forcefully this time.** **“Tell me Kolya.” he said idly, all the while nikolai splutters like a dying animal. “ what is it you want?”Over the rush of blood in his skull Nikolai can hardly hear a word “Or more accurately: what do you want from me?” he lets go of his throat , the words that escape his lips are a reflex “just you.” “Kakoy ty khoroshiy!” Sergei’s laugh shakes the walls “such a good boy,you deserve a reward”**

**Sergei raps a leather bound hand around his member and strokes him. Its mechanical, devoid of feeling, means to an end . Still the cold contrasting with the warmth of Sergei's hand, the feeling of just being** **touched** **after so very long is enough to make him bow backwards under the older man's ministrations . Gasping for air, Sergei forces his way inside him again and again. Nikolai wails and moans with each movement. the heat in his belly is unbearable, every inch of him trembles in anticipation unable to form a single coherent thought “Bol'she!” he cries and for once, sergei obliges.”Of course my little silver wolf. chto-nibud' dlya vas...”**

**His scream as he cums makes a metallic echo against the tin walls of the housing unit. Pearly fluid coats his legs, his abdomen and Sergei's hand . as his senses return to him he realises he is alone in his pleasure “** **Seryozha have you?” “not yet” his friend groans “ but soon” the hand that grabs his throat comes out of nowhere. His head is snapped up with such force that for a moment he actually sees stars. Sergei resumes his brutal pace, globs of cooling cum bubbling out of his abused hole** **“Sergei, wait!” his throat actually crunches under sergei’s grip . Fear floods his veins: something vital in his friend has changed, he is no longer safe. He panics, body flailing against an immovable object as he tries desperately to free himself.”sssussh Kolya” Sergei soothes, stroking his hair with a free hand “remember what i said about stress? Just relax,dorogoy” these words only encourage his struggle, clawing and tearing at the hand around the throat. This goes on until the tips of his lips begin to go blue, tears streaming down his face as his eyes begin to lose their focus, the world around him loses its colour. Ultimately he relaxes, lungs and limbs calling out for oxygen that he simply did not have, finally giving up in protest.**

**As the world around him dims he swears he can feel the colonels devilish grin against his back.**

The memory made the bile rise in his bruised throat. He reaches for his suitcase, finding a tiny bottle inside the front pouch. He swallows the cheap drink and almost instantly vomits it back up, only just making it to a nearby trash can. Words ring in his head until it hurts.  **“ Tell me kolya, what is it you want?”** He washes his mouth out with another; a collection of miniature vodkas he had stolen when the flight attendant wasn't looking. It doesn’t get rid of the taste; of bitterness, of bile or of the colonel himself. It won't stop him from trying, there is plenty more vodka where they came from.

**“What do** **you** **want from** **me?”**

Nikolai lies down on the bed ,bottle in hand, careful to avoid the wet patch he had woken up in. He shakes as he exhales, breath clouding in the freezing room. He pulls the thin quilt over his head, not bothering to remove his heavy coat first. Nikolai wipes at his eyes, wool scratching the red and tender flesh of his cheek. Tears sting his eyes as he clenches them shut , curling tighter into a ball.  He just wants to sleep until the storm is over.

**“Show me love, till i'm screaming for more”**


	2. 30 minutes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a 2 chapters in 2 days? im going to burn myself out at this rate.
> 
> nikolai and mikhail have a tryst on a time limit , inspired by tatu's 30 minutes . it takes place a few months after the first chapter but still before re1

30 minutes

Out of sight, out of mind

They have a little time, he muses. 30 minutes, maybe less before sergei expects them both front and center for roll call or troup inspection or some other pointless ceremony with no other use than to make the old colonel feel less impotent in a world that is fast outgrowing him. The tiny closet is barely enough for the 2 of them to stand shoulder to shoulder but it's still the most private place in the camp. Mikhail Viktor; a former red army Captain, respected even when he’d turned and fought against the government that trained him. He was a good man, fighting the good fight. He endeared himself to his platoon in a way that many could only dream. He often wonders if Sergei couldn't have turned out like this, if he wasn't so far stuck up that american aristocrats ass. 

Mikhail pulled him in here often. The first few times it was just to talk, check in “ you look pale Zinoviev. Are you well? “”Have you eaten today?””give me your paperwork, you go rest” banalities that are disguised as an attempt at picking towards the center of the problem : Sergei.

He doesn’t want to talk. Not this time or any other. So they settle for actions. Little touches, heavy petting, chaste kisses and hands in filthy places. Mikhail presses his lips to Nikolai’s adams apple , enjoying the slight bob as the younger man swallows a breathy moan. The captain ghosts over a dark hickey just barely disguised by his scratchy sweater. 

He doesn't want to go back there, not right now; trapped mentally in a room adorned with decadence ,while the men and women who supply such wealth toil and freeze just outside the doors. The air is thick with orange blossom and spice, it catches in the back of his throat , wafting around him as he is knocked aside, the man who called him here sauntering towards a 4 poster bed leaving him naked and weeping on the cold ground “  _ you may go _ .”Sergei had droned “ _ i am finished with you for tonight. _ ” Nikolai bites the inside of his cheek until he tastes copper. The flavor grounds him in reality where he’s here, in a closet with someone who actually  _ wants _ him. 

Hands run down his back pulling his combats aside to grope his ass , he preys mikhail can't feel the heat that radiates off his red raw backside. _ ”you're my favorite, Kolya.” _ gloved hands flex, rubbing out the arthritic stiffness from holding the belt in an iron grip “ you know that right?” Nikolai's breath hitches in his chest as he forces himself to stay supple, willing in Mikhail's arms.

He's not sure when they wound up doing this. Stress relief, or so they told themselves. Sergei had them all living on the edge of a blade: Random drills at all hours, piss poor food, showers so cold you might as well wash in the snow. It was no wonder so many were on edge. If he didn't know any better he would swear the colonel was trying to cause an outbreak like the one in raccoon. Tired, angry men did not make for careful researchers or cautious soldiers.

“You are a human  _ banya _ .” Mikhail jokes “ how much do you charge for bedwarming services?” Mikhail has one of his arms pinned lightly beside his head, pressing kisses from his wrist to his shoulder “for you, nothing.” He nuzzles the old soldier's neck, enjoying the faint spice of aftershave. “provided you let me stay after.” The older man's laugh reverberates in his chest causing a wonderful warmth to blossom out “deal.” Mikhail's hands slide up his torso, he knows he can probably feel his ribs but has the good grace to keep it to himself for the time being.

He's so warm and comfortable here, his shirt is being pulled over his head before he has the cognisance to stop it.”no wait!” he tucks his arms to his chest but that merely allows the sweater to slip free from his body. Mikhail's gasp is audible. His torso is a mess: intricate cuts stagger along his flesh, some newsome scarred. His chest is awash with bruises, cigar burns and marks he can't quite identify “ Nikolai…” 

“Dont worry about it” he buries his head in Mikhail’s neck to avoid looking him in the eyes , still kissing, begging for them to move forward. “Koly-Please.” he begs hands balling on the shoulders of the others fatigues ” don't call me that.” mikhail sighs wearily “as you wish lyubimiy”  _ Darling, loved one “ _ no.” he hisses, pulling at the elder soldiers belt “ just...don't speak” he falls to his knees in front of him, the older mans brown eyes hazy with lust but also caution, worry. Fear.

“ you don't have to do this.” he reminds him “ but i want to.'' Nikolai makes quick work of the buckle, pulling Mikhail's combats and underwear down just enough to expose him. He spits in his palm and runs long, slender fingers along his length . When Mikail is half hard he removes his hands, pressing a kiss to the tip ,glistening softly with precum in the dim light of the closet.

He stretches his arms, shoulders popping in protest , up to rest on Mikhail's hips. He takes the tip of the twitching organ into his mouth, the other man's hands carding through his hair, encouraging him along. His first lick is experimental, testing the waters. He runs his tongue the length of the captain's shaft, humming gently as he goes. Mikhail relaxed into his touch, a small sigh escaping his lips “Good boy” the hand in his hair is soothing “Very good niko” 

He settles into a gentle pace, acutely aware of the seconds ticking by. He knows they have precious little time but  _ god help him _ he needs this. Dropping his head deeper elicits a gasp from mikhail, mouth opening in pleasure “ tvoy rot volshebnyy.”He breathes, scratching nikolai’s scalp with blunt nails .Nikolai grins around the cock in his mouth . he adores the feeling of a job well done letting the praise sink in, shivers going right to his own dick. He is momentarily lost in pleasure, only to be brought crashing back to reality when Mikhail thrusts into the back of his throat.

He grunts when his head hits the concrete wall, his eyes stinging, saliva and precum slipping out from the edges of his mouth. For a split second panic wells up in his throat, mind screaming at him to run before things turn sour .He’d stumbled, choked and dared to show a little humanity in the face of a god. He opened his mouth wide enough to swallow him whole, face pressed to greying pubic hair , regardless of how awful it really feels. Sergei would be disgusted, this pathetic attempt at staying in favor rather than admit his mistake and take his punishment like a good little  _ suka. “No.” _ He reminds himself “  _ this is not sergei _ .” This is someone else, someone who wants him ,  _ someone about to treat him as little more than a cock sleeve _ . Nikolai sets back on his heels and waits for the inevitable hit. He flinches when he hears the other man move .But when Mikhail pushes his shoulders gently away and takes a cautious step back it is almost worse. At least the former is something he is used to. This is uncharted territory “sorry” mikhail rubbed the back of his head “i went , how do they say, weak at the knees.” it takes him a moment to realise this is an apology; mikhail hurt him, albeit unintentionally and he was  _ sorry. _ A hand cups his chin and drags his gaze upwards “Are you alright?” it takes every ounce of self control he has not to bolt from the closet like a startled horse right then and there. Surely this is a trick? Wait until he speaks then fuck his throat like he’s one of those godawful dolls from  _ Yaponiya.  _ “Nikolai? Speak to me” jade eyes meet mocha and something in him cracks. He hiccups, eyes clenched shut. His shoulders are shaking trying desperately not to cry or fall apart, it will only make things worse.

But the hit never comes. When he finally pries his eyes open Mikhail has already closed the gap. Lips envelop his own. It's soft and warm in a way he’s never known . Nikolai simply  _ melts _ . Mikhail puts a hand on his head and pulls them closer still, tongue slipping past his teeth and over swollen lips . He knows he can't hold his breath forever but it wont stop him from trying . when Mikhail finally pulls away he's so light headed he fears he might faint.

A trail of saliva runs from one mouth to the other, nikolai is stunned silent, his tongue so numb he can't speak a word “ i believe in give and take.” Mikhail begins, slurring his words slightly “don't you?” his hands fall from Nikolai's scalp into his lap. For the first time he notices his own arousal straining against his combats. “Y-you don't have to” he spits out “ i know” mikhail grins “ but i want to” A palm kneads the painful hardness in his pants through the rough fabric. He pulls away for just a moment to free himself from his combats. A gloved hand finds its way around his erection, the warmth of the captains fingertips glides over the head. Nikolai pushes his own hands down into Mikhail's boxers. One hand strokes, the other presses their foreheads together. They stroke in tandem, hot breath spilling between them as they meet in the middle. Their makeout becomes sloppy, their stroking becomes faster, more desperate as they both reach their peak. For the first time in a long while Nikolai is first, spilling ropes of pearly fluid across his own chest. He bites his lip as he cums, remembering how close they are to last post, the area must be flooded with soldiers by now. Mikhail cums seconds later, making no such effort to be quiet “Niko” he hisses out through gritted teeth, splashing them both with hot fluid.

The tiny room echoes with breathless panting, neither feels like there is enough air in the room to satisfy their burning lungs. Mikhail discards his gloves in a nearby mop bucket. He’s sure Sergei will have something to say about his uniform but right now it's the last thing on his mind. He tucks himself in and redresses Nikolai , who still lies boneless against the closet wall.

Mikhail joins him on the floor when he is satisfied they are somewhat presentable, sitting in comfortable silence until they catch their breaths. They have minutes before the call.

“Niko.” he says after a while “ you can call me Niko, if you wish.” Nikolai’s chest still rises and falls irregularly but he seems calm, content “Only if you call me Misha.”Mikhail retorts “misha” he tests the name on his tongue. Mikhail’s round rosey face certainly reminds him of that god awful bear “well.” nikolai muses “ you will need to grow the beard out, but i think you can pull it off.” Nikolai gives a real laugh, the since he arrived here. He breathes just a little too hard ,a brief expression of pain flickers across his face and the laughter dies away. 

Mikhail frowns “What about those.” his calloused thumb rubs the inflamed edge of a slice that pokes from his collar “i said don't worry about it” nikolai responds “ it happens.” “it needn't.” as if on queue mikhail looks at his watch. Outside their little world in the closet, the trumpet sounds, last post for the day. Soldiers footsteps thunder along the ground as they rush to attention, all fearing they will be the last one there.”we don't have to go, Niko.” he gives the other man a sincere look “ we can stay if you like.” Nikolai smiles, knowing all these decisions were made for him long ago. 

“We’re out of time to decide.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little bit of my thinking. I feel like this nikolai has probably only ever been with sergei , or at least only in any meaningful capacity. Nikolai gets into subspace really easy it seems and sergei is not a good dominant. He’s cruel, he doesnt keep to his own rules and punishes poor nikolai even when he does right. He rewards of course but hes damaged nikolai so badly that nikolai fears even the tiniest things. so to have someone normal like mikhail come along and treat him like, you know, a human being, its a bit of a lurch for nikolai. 
> 
> Misha reference - misha is the mascot for the 1980 russian olympics .hes a lil russian bear , its also Mikhails diminuative name.
> 
> banya- a russian sauna  
> lyubimiy- darling, literally love of mine  
> tvoy rot volshebnyy- your tongue is magic  
> suka- bitch


	3. Friend or Foe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> inspired by @anotherAnon0 and @FanFicReader01's works on nikolai and carlos. 
> 
> Set just before re3 but after re1 Carlos just wants to cool off after a hard day in a hot humid jungle. he isnt expecting company >:)

“Watch where you're putting that thing!” Nikolai’s voice reverberated around the concrete walls of the shower room as he smacks the young mercenary over the head. Carlos has never heard so many complaints come from someone who had practically begged to be here. If he wasnt already so worked up, he would have headed back to his tent for some piece and quiet, maybe finished himself off without the running commentary on his fucking technique.

As a rule, he didn't shit where he ate. But god help him, they had been stuck in this godforsaken jungle for nearly 3 weeks, with little else to do but sleep or fuck. Carlos had turned down the first few prospects : Murphy pulled him aside in the mess-hall one night, tearing at his belt but he had walked on, hoping for a second serving of what passed for jello. Another time Tyrell had woken him in the middle of the night, pulling him from his top bunk onto the bottom like a fucking trapdoor spider. Carlos had nearly broken his nose, just wanting to get a few more Z’s in before roll call. It was nothing personal,he was just too hot to want to move, the dense heat and humidity clinging to them like an extra layer of skin. At least back home, it was a dry heat. here , it felt like if you breathed too hard you might drown.

Nikolai caught him unawares in the showers after lights out. In his defence, he was just trying to cool down for a few minutes so he could finally get some sleep. The patter of the shower against the smooth cement floor was almost as loud as the pounding of raindrops on the canopy overhead. At first, he thought he was going to get an earful, a lesson about wasting water even though there was a deluge outside , about not being on alert 24/7 for an attack or maybe for daring to have lit a tiny candle so he wasn't running around a wet room in the pitch dark.but no admonishing ever came; when the former red army sergeant dropped his towel and stepped into Carlos cubicle, cold showers suddenly became the furthest thing from his mind. 

Nikolai crashed their faces together with barely a moment for Carlos to protest “ Breaking curfew Sergeant?” Nikolai grins into the side of Carlos neck, running his tongue along the protruding tendons “You're setting a bad example.”“ Im so sorry _ Captain Olivera” _ Nikolai’s words just drip with honey and lust, his silken voice sends a shiver up Carlos’ spine. “ Perhaps, just this once, I could convince you to let. it. Slide.” as he speaks he drags his and carlos callused hands down between them, wrapping them around both of their dicks “  _ ponyat' _ ?” blood rushes south at the other man's simple touch. Before Carlos can articulate a response he is already pumping his wrist bringing the two of them to full hardness, precum already leaking from Nikolai’s tip .

Only moments pass before Nikolai is panting and flushed “G-get on with it” he says between harsh breaths “ Fuck me already.“ “alright alright, yeesh” Carlos rolls his eyes as he lets go of their erections“ Impatient fucker aren't you?” He flips their positions, pressing nikolai against the slick shower wall. He pulls the other man's hips towards him, hands spreading his legs far enough apart that Nikolai almost loses his balance. He dips under the shower head, white hair that's just a little too long is plastered to his face . Despite the water from the shower head Carlos can still see how his partner is practically shimmering. His skin felt cool, and he hadn't been under for more than a few seconds. His eyes slide down Nikolai's sleek, lean form, following the trail that leads between his legs. Something clear and slick is dripping from Nikolai’s hole “Been playing with yourself ?” Carlos chuckles taking in the sights. God if only he had a camera right now “i wasn't expecting to find anyone.” “well aren't you glad im here?” Carlos leans into the back of his partner's neck, hot breath rolling down his spine.

The older man's breath hitches and as his chest rises, lungs expanding Carlos can see how delicate and thin shadows stretch across him like vines: Nikolai marred from head to toe , a maze of bleach white marks that are barely perceptible on his pale flesh. The dim light from the flickering candle isn't enough to see the full extent of intricate scars that crisscross over Nikolai's skin like he is draped in lace , but what he can see is magnificent and horrifying in the same breath. Now he really wishes he had a camera .

Nikolai digs him in the ribs, drawing him back to reality “Get on with it bef-” He sighs sharply as Carlos presses inside with his entire weight behind the thrust. The motion leaves Nikolai clawing desperately at the shower tiles, blunt nails scratching down the slick surface. He presses his forehead against the cool cement with an almost audible hiss “ M-move.” He demands, wiggling his hips in anticipation . Carlos wants to snipe back, tell him to hold his damn horses and let him enjoy the moment. But the sight of the sergeant so willingly spread out in front of him made his mouth go dry and any attempts at speech die in his throat. Nikolai held all the cards here; he might be willingly submitting but make no mistake, he was in charge. “Hurry up!” Carlos snaps from his daze with an audible thunk “Keep it down.” Carlos mutters as he adjusts his hands on Nikolai’s hips “ and would it kill ya to let me enjoy this?”

Carlos bucks his hips as Nikolai grinds back into his lap. The room is silent save for the slap of skin on skin and their fervent panting; there is something beautiful about listening to the steady puff of Nikolai’s chest, knowing in this moment he is breathing just for Carlos “M-more” Nikolai groaned, mouth agape as Carlos thrusts brush over his prostate. Why couldn't the sergeant be like this all the time? Soft and willing and-

A scratching pain worms its way into his thoughts, he can feel blood begin to bead at the site. At first he thinks he’s been bitten by one of those damn mosquitos but then he realises it's coming from a far more annoying creature. Nikolai reaches round to dig his nails into Carlos' hip pressing him deeper inside“ Harder, C'mon you can do better than this.” Nikolai’s harsh accent is totally contrary to the softness of his voice, his biting touch contrasting the wonderful feeling of being inside him “Keep this up and i’ll leave you right here.” Carlos thrusts harder out of spite. Christ, what would it take to shut this guy up? “ please.” Nikolai smirks over his shoulder “ when will you get another chance like this?” Carlos scowls, adjusting his stance to put his entire weight into his thrusts. The motion forces Nikolai’s face to collide with the wall in front of them. Carlos winces as he sees a few tiny ruby drops plink to the shower floor but Nikolai merely bows his head deeper and continues to buck back into Carlos' thrusts. For the first time since they started, nikolai is quiet, compliant and complaint free. 

This was new; Nikolai wasn't usually the recipient where pain was concerned. Was the other man getting off on such rough treatment? Did he want it rougher? 

A devious smile works its way across Carlos' face.He could definitely do rougher.

Carlos pulls Nikolai up from his position against the shower wall, his chest pressed flush to the sergeants scarred back, calloused hands snaking around his torso and chest. As he thrusts he feels himself inside of Nikolai’s guts. Nikolai is arched backwards, struggling to meet the pull Carlos has forced on him, his taut abdomen practically bulging with each movement. Carlos knows he’s not the biggest tool in the box but god if watching the other man struggle to take him wasn't a massive ego trip, then he didn't know what was. Something about this came easy to him: he found himself thrusting harder than necessary just to hear Nikolai whine, found it easy to ignore the white knuckles on the side of the shower that would normally make him slow and easy not to feel the slightest bit of tenderness for his partner. NIkolai put them through hell every goddamn day, why shouldn't he give a little back ? 

Nikolai’s eyes were clenched shut, face a mixture of pleasure and pain. Pearlescent fluid mixing with the shower water to create a beautiful stream that wove its way down Nikolai’s thick thighs and into the drain.Nikolai was taught as a sheet in a hurricane, breathing so quick and shallow the rise and fall of his chest was barely perceptible in the dimming light of the dying candle. Were it not for Carlos’ hold on him he would have long since lost his balance. He twists in the others grasp seemingly trying to escape but never fighting hard enough to finally free himself. Nikolai rolls his hips in time with Carlos’ thrusts moaning unashamedly, his pitched and warbling voice echoing around the room grows louder every second. If he didnt quieten down, someone would hear them . “Keep it down.” Carlos mutters harshly into the side of his throat “N-nyet, Bol'she!” Nikolai cries, leaning his head back to Carlos shoulder “if you want me to stop then hurry the fuck up and make me finish!” Jesus christ even bottomed out, this bastard was still full of complaints. What in god's name did it take to satisfy him? In that moment Carlos decided; he didn't care. Not just about making him cum, about everything. About being stuck in this fucking rainforest, about orders, about anything. The only thought crossing his lust hazy mind was his own pleasure, something that wasn't going to happen if Nikolai didnt shut his fucking mouth. “Shut. up.”Carlos thrusting is becoming erratic, he’s so close to the end, that wonderful heat building in his abdomen is all he can focus on. His hand reaches for nikolai’s throat, desperate to keep him quiet for just a few more moments “what are you- i said shut up!” A clenched fist around his trachea cuts off the other man's complaints mid-breath .Nikolai inhales sharply , breath catching and gurgling in his throat “Sergei, please no!” He cries out , his entire body bucking backwards in tightened panic. His head cracking against Carlos' chin with a dull thud that reverberates around both their skulls. All motion in the room comes to a shuddering halt as Nikolai forces Carlos out of him with both hands “Serg- the fuck?” Carlos steps back, dazed and confused as he stumbles out of the shower holding his face to stop the ache. He's about to react, to lash out at the other’s carelessness but the scene that lies before him renders him almost speechless.“ Nikolai are you…?” The frightened jade eyes that stared up at him threatening to overflow, were a complete 180 from the domineering sneer and demands for pleasure he had experienced just a few minutes ago . He slides to the floor of the shower, hand clamped to his mouth and free arm hugging his legs, trembling like a leaf. Carlos almost loses his footing as he reaches for the bench to steady himself on. Nikolai is staring straight ahead, gazing into the middle distance as blood runs freely down his face, trickling over his lip and mingling with his tears as it drips from his chin. Carlos almost couldn't believe what he was seeing; Nikolai was  always dominant, always in control, what the hell had changed? The man in front of him had seen hell, he was traumatised. Afraid.

Worse questions popped into his mind; who had done this to Nikolai? Was it him? Worse still, when had  _ he _ become the kind of person to take advantage of that? Acid rolls around in his stomach, he feels sick to his core. Carlos dresses hurriedly, throwing his shorts and a tank on over his still wet skin “Nik-Sergent listen im sorry im..il.. “ he motioned towards the door, edging closer with every step “i'm just gonna give you some sp-N-ny-No!” Nikolai shouts suddenly “Please. Just wait.” Nikolai crawls across the floor, prostrating himself before carlos like scolded dog “Please, Fuck me.” he begged. Carlos recoils,this was all getting too weird for him. He couldnt fuck nikolai, not now he put the other man in such a state. He is about to leave when his brown eyes meet jade ones. The pleading expression, the painful erection weeping against his stomach. He might have startled nikolai but he couldn't leave him like this either, it was just as cruel. 

“Come here.” Carlos opens his arms wide for Nikolai to clamber into his lap. He’s lighter than he expected. Just a few months ago it had taken both him and Murphey to wrestle him to the ground and even then, they couldn't hold him for long. Carlos is confident he could now pick Nikolai up with one arm but he wouldn't dare try it. The last thing he needed was to drop the poor bastard when he might shatter like glass. He lays him down on the bench, lining up his hips with Nikolai’s entrance “you sure about this?” Carlos is hardly touching the other man. Both of them were painfully hard, but nothing killed a hardon like someone saying yes because they thought they had to. He wanted this but wanted to make the nikolai feel good too, make it up to him even a little bit. But only if the other wanted it as well. Confusion flickers across his face for the briefest of moments before Nikolai nods, slowly and surely “да”

“If you need to stop, just tell me, ok?” Carlos slides back inside Nikolais slick hole, easing in gently inch by inch until he is flush with the other man's ass. Nikolai whimpers softly, draping an arm across his eyes, the other reaching blindly for the edge of the bench “ Here.” Carlos takes his hands, wrapping them around his shoulders. “ Hold on” soft kisses pressed to every inch of skin Carlos could distract Nikolai while he adjusts, free hand pumping his erection slowly as Carlos begins to move. 

He increases his speed slowly, cautiously, letting Nikolai decide their pace. “You doin ok?”” да-ya, yes. Keep going” The longer they go the tighter Nikolai squeezes his legs around Carlos waist, tiny murmurs of pleasure escaping his parted lips.Carlos can feel Nikolai’s blunt nails tearing into his tank top, holding on for what probably feels like dear life while Carlos labors between his thighs . It's different this time; face to face he can see Nikolai’s expression of pure bliss slowly override the panic and fear. It's almost beautiful to watch how a sudden thrust against his prostate eases him just a little more towards an orgasm. “Lo estás haciendo genial, mi amor.” Nikolai moans loudly at these sweet nothings. Can he speak spanish? Oh well, actions speak louder than words. Carlos runs his hands as softly as he can from the back of Nikolai's legs all the way along his body, finally resting with palms clasping his flushed face. On their journey his hands ghost over hundreds of scars, feel the contour of the others lean muscles and the surprising softness of his skin. Carlos mentally chastises himself for never noticing before: Nikolai is a work of art.

Hot liquid suddenly splashes his hand and chest. Nikolai lets out little more than a whimper into Carlos' shoulder as he cums. The sensation of his hot walls clamping down around him, sends Carlos over the edge as well. Carlos pulls free just in time, milky fluid splattering softly on the floor. It didn't feel right to cum inside, Nikolai was already in such a state, he shouldn't have to deal with the mess.Carlos grabs his discarded towel and uses it to clean them both off “ Thank you, corporal.” he never thought he’d be relieved to hear Nikolai’s caustic tone return to his voice “listen man you know i don't like to pry but...what was that back there?” Nikolai stops mid-wipe, smearing the blood across his upper lip. His expression softens, a pensive look spreads across his face “do...you wanna talk about it?” Carlos offers awkwardly. He’d seen soldiers shell shocked by combat...but this? This was something different, something very outside his comfort zone “Some wounds don't heal.” he says softly continuing to dry himself off.

“not without help they won't.”

The candle he lit has long since petered out. But even in the barely breaking light of dawn Carlos swears he can see Nikolai smile. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAYYYYY DOUBLE MEANINGS !!! carlos at the start of my fics “ oh my god nikolai is such a douchebag” carlos at the end of my fics “ oh my god i am such a douchebag to nikolai” 
> 
> I started writing this one as carlos and nikolai hate fucking but im a sucker for soft boys so here we are. 
> 
> I have one more chapter for certain which is Nikolai X Cain who is an oc. Will def have mentions of sergei and so on so it should still be an interesting read even if u dont usually go for oc x canon. 

**Author's Note:**

> my first sergei x nikolai fic. going to do 2 more chapters, one with Mikhail and one with an oc, Cain one of my USS alphas. leme know what you think!  
> \--------------------  
> покажи мне любовь/ pokazhi mne lyubov' = show me love  
> полковник/polkovnik= Colonel  
> бабушка/babushka= grandma  
> серебряная собака/serebryanaya sobaka = Silver dog. a play on Nikolai's code name, silver wolf / серебряный волк  
> сосать/sosat'= Suck  
> Больше/Bol'she= more  
> Какой ты хороший /Kakoy ty khoroshiy=how sweet you are.  
> Дорогой/Dorogoy= darling
> 
> Seryozha - pet name/ nickname/ diminutive of Sergei  
> Kolya- pet name/ nickname / diminutive of Nikolai. english equiv would be Nick or Nicky  
> Rossiya- a russian transcontinental train


End file.
